So many years ago that I can barely remember now how many, I stumbled across a bit of archaic literature in a library. Decades later (literally), I would recall that it was Plato and the book I was reading was about Plato's Theory on love and the concept of the Split-Aparts. I was in high school then...about 14 or 15 years old I suppose. I had a boyfriend. He was the first boyfriend I had...or would have had...or whatever you say in these tenses. I loved him...or I think I loved him. It is funny because looking back on these things I just see the end of the relationship, and I cannot understand what I was so drawn to with him. It's difficult with first love...teen love. When we are still not sure who we are and what we think. How can it be possible to decide who we love? We don't even love ourselves at that age.
Going back further to being aged 10 or thereabouts, I have deeper, wiser, fonder memories of love. In this point of time, it was imaginary love. THAT is the really good kind...where you fantasize about what you want. Back then I spend a lot of time "in my own head". I find myself doing that now that I am older too. Particularly over the last few years and more recently, last few months. I feel happier when I am "imagining" what I love, instead of out trying to find it in another person. In these instances, love is timeless and perfect and meets all of my needs. In this vision...this reality I create in my mind, I am not being selfish when I ask and receive what I need. It's completely reasonable for me to have what I desire.
The idea of Split Apart Souls, which is essentially what Plato was theorizing, are points within his overall theory of love. I happen to be In-Love with the idea of Love and all the possibilities that Love brings. I find Romance to be the main wish I have. I have always wanted a romance...someone to sweep me off my feet and take me places. I would make him happy just by being there and he would make me happy by desiring me. I suppose there is more to it than that. I also need to feel powerful, independent and supported but not held down. And my partner needs to know they are valued, respected and wanted. I just wonder, if romance can be a part of what we commonly accept as Love. In society, we go from romance to love to marriage...or at lease we did for the better part of the last century. It seems that now we go from like to hooking up to getting left. I don't see a lot of happy outcomes lately.
Even without many happy outcomes, I still believe in the Perfect Romance of Two Lovers in Love. I see it in the moments and glimpses I am afforded...when I meet a couple and give them a tour of a townhouse. I see them walking hand in hand innocently and think back to the many times when I was in that love-bubble with a boyfriend. It's so hard to get older and lose hopeful feelings about love. It is at this stage of life that I have learned to turn to the many other places where love can be found, where love MUST be found. There we can drink form the well and fill ourselves so the love levels are high! These places are with our Aging loved ones or our pets...or our children. Occasionally we are inspired by acts of love and generosity we see outside in the world. We need to see it more and it needs to happen more! Love for our fellow man fills us.
So you see, I have come to understand that LOVE and ROMANCE are not the same things and they do not spring from the same well. Romance is an experience of love with a special person. But Love is everywhere and in everything...but most importantly inside of each of us. When we learn to harness it, use it, share it, feel it, appreciate it...we can continuously experience it...and without lack! Now romance is another story...perhaps stories are good.
For example, I never hear stories about romance. Do you? No one ever tells me any. Sometimes we joke about it as if it is unimportant to be romanced. I have always thought that was a pity. I always want to be romanced. Romance is a state of mind! It takes work and practice to become effective at romance. I am searching for a life of romance. Love is amazing...and it is true. But I hope for more.
Lilac
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